Mother wounds
Mother is an integral part of a person's physical and emotional framework. We spend nine months in her body breathing, eating and feeling the world and it’s reality. She holds security and comfort for us as we explore and learn the rules of being a human. Our perception of the world has its foundation in our time spent in and around our mothers. No matter where we are in life, the energy of the umbilical cord never leaves us. We also inherited the incompletions of our mother and unknowingly pass it on to our children.
Mothers love is unconditional and pure. This stands true no matter where the mother falls on the spectrum of difficult to amazing. This love is projected on us in various shades. On the surface not everything we receive from our mother looks favourable. We may or may not see the hidden gifts in the darker shades and may even live in complete aversion of certain facets of her.
What gets missed out in our perception of our mother and in our expectations from her is the fact that she is a human after all. She holds baggage from the past and invariably has patterns and habits which are not conducive to our subconscious.
Mother wounds has organically become the primary focus of my work since I started doing emotional release and energy healing. I have worked with clients in the age range of 20 to 70 who hold deep resentment towards their mothers. The interesting thing is that they didn’t start working with me because of the mother issues. They all had their set of physical and emotional problems for which they were seeking help and it turned out that the root of their problem rested in their fragmented relationship with their mother and in some cases their father.
I have heard my clients pour out their heart about their resentment towards their mother and how it affected them through life. Interestingly all of them had pushed their resentment deep within, accepted the fact and had learned to draw boundaries and function in their day to day life. They had learned to disregard the emotional charge hurting them deep within. What they had not realised was how much control these invisible threads had on every aspect of their life.
Here are some of the examples of how they felt about their mother as our work started -
on a scale of one to ten my anger towards my mother is 500
My mother totally neglected us
My mother had a bad temper
My mother was broken and I couldn’t wait to get out of the house
My mother is in hospice right now and there is no way I am going there to see her
I had an evil mother
There were a few things common amongst all of them.
They were struggling with their physical health and life in general
The war against their mother had left an empty hole in them
They were exhausted
Some struggled with their relationship with their own daughters while others with their spouses or siblings
Our work started with going through a few rounds of acknowledging the traumatic episodes with their mothers and releasing the emotional charge stored in their system. As we continued they reported feeling a change in their physical well-being. As we continued further they started feeling lighter and their relationship with their other family members started getting better.
After about 6 to 10 rounds, here is what I heard from them-
I think I finally understand her
I feel sorry for my mother
This is the first time in 50 years I feel empathy for my mother
Her tough behavior is why I am able to do what I am doing today
She made me resilient and that helped me get through my life
I don’t think I can talk to her, but I don’t feel hatred in my heart anymore
I feel relieved
The fear of becoming like their mother had made them work hard to have qualities that were the opposite of their mothers.
The fact is, when you are rejecting your mother, you are rejecting a big part of you. You are blocking the flow of feminine energy from your lineage. You are blocking the positive and good aspects of your mother that you could have inherited. This war against the person who gave birth to you can have direct and indirect consequences. For example if you didn’t like the way your mother spoke, every time you hear similar tones from someone, you will get annoyed with that person. It might bring unnecessary commotion in places that dont deserve it. If your child does something that resembles your mother, you are going to get angry with her and may even scar her with your unexpected behaviour.
When you reject your mother, you are blocking your heart chakra in an ongoing fight against a big part of your being. This could play into your marital relationships and with your children.
Acceptance of the truth and understanding the various aspects of the motherhood story can bring calm and peace.
Even the best mother has flaws and the worst has positive qualities. No matter where you are on your well-being journey and no matter how good or bad your mother has been to you, working on your relationship with your mother can have profound effects on your mental peace and physical health.
Through my personal experience and through the journey of my clients, I can say one thing with assurance, you cannot find healing unless you heal your relationship with your mother. Your mother plays a pivotal role in who you are and who you will be for the rest of your life.